Bright Idea. - ZBT fraternity captured cross-town rivals mascot the BLACK BEAR. But what they didn't realize is that they actually captured a BLACK BEAR. A REAL ONE. 5 of those geniuses are now in the hospital. One was quoted saying, "MCC needs to get a better mascot. Our rival has a WAY better one. That guy REALLY acted like a bear." Another said, "What's up with the dude who wears the Bear costume? He's super prissy. That guy needs to chill out."

Faculty to Students: "Stop Raising Your Hands" - Faculty is so astounded by the dumb questions that students ask during class, that they have asked MCC students to with hold any question until after. Once class is over, students should follow these instructions; close your eyes and count to 5. This will allow faculty to make a speedy exit and avoid having to address your stupidity.

Middle Town Community College wins fight for accreditation - After more than two years, Middle Town Community College will no longer carry the 'trade school' designation that has marred its academic reputation and yet increased its enrollment. The re-accreditation announcement was made over the school's public address system after a planned address in the main parking lot was cancelled due to a high number of "booted" cars blocking access to Dean Dean Archibald. "Luckily," said Dean Dean Archibald, "the announcement followed a previous announcement announcing the recent installation of the P.A. system." "The public address system was purchased from excess funds produced by a recent crackdown on parking violators.

Accreditation inspires new fight song - MCC's accreditation helps the music department's creativity flourish. "With the new re-instatement of our accreditation, we have something new to celebrate. Everything is going to change," said Tuba player Megan Dumass. "I'm so excited about the newest fight song, we're going to redo all of our songs."

DODGE BALL is starting up at the MCC!!!! - We will be using a BOWLING BALL to up the stakes a bit. Wear a helmet and let the GOOD TIMES begin!!!!

Hide and Go seek!!!! - YEAH. You know you love it. This is a fun new sport for all the MCC peeps!!!! We tried it last week and it was a HUGE success!!! We still haven't found about a half dozen of the participants.

Tournament Chances Still Alive -The Middle Town Middlers bowling team is holding on for one more round. They avoided implosion Thursday afternoon when Team Captain Sammy ‘Gutter’ Francis suddenly appeared and took down 8 pins in a single frame. “The applause were deafening,” said Margaret Thirstenbaum who suffers from over-sensitivity of the ears.

Middlers Succumb To Defeat - Every spectator sat on the edge of their seat Thursday afternoon as the Middle Town Middlers videogame team dropped quarters left and right in the arcade of the Middle Town bowling alley. The team was doing well on nearly every game being played until team co-captain Sammy ‘Sore Thumbs’ Francis failed to reload the players with fresh coinage.